The Attachment Mix Tape – Track 3: How Deep is your Love?

ShareHi Everyone!
I hope your January is going well so far! One thing that happened in 2015 is my beloved iPod (the classic) was stolen after someone broke into my car. (Lesson learned – never leave anything of value in your car!) After this, I had one of my first, and I know it won’t be my last, “old person” moments where I learned they don’t make the iPod classic anymore (what?!!) because of low sales. Apparently, everyone’s been streaming their music while I was listening to the good ole mp3 making the iPod somewhat obsolete. So, in 2016, I’m trying to make lemonade out of lemons and use the loss of my iPod as a way to join the rest of the world in streaming by trying out Spotify. So far, its been pretty fun and I particularly like the playlists on Spotify! While listening to one such playlist called “Bring Back the 70′s”, I heard the classic song from the Bee Gees, “How Deep is Your Love?” and thought – this is a perfect song for the Attachment Mix Tape! (Or Attachment playlist in modern terms!)

Here are the lyrics:
The Bee Gees – How Deep is Your Love?

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I want to feel you in my arms again
And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave
And it’s me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
How deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You’re the light in my deepest, darkest hour
You’re my savior when I fall
And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside that I really do
And it’s me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
How deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave
And it’s me you need to show

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
How deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

How deep is your love, how deep is your love
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I love how the message of the song is about reassurance – “I know you love me, but I need you to show me about how much you love me.” As a couples therapist, what I see over and over again is that the underlying narrative of most arguments is the need for this type of reassurance! “Please show me you still love me. Show me how deep it goes because I’m feeling afraid I’ve lost it.” Because our partner is so important to our emotional well-being (this TED talk is among the many research studies confirming this! http://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness), we are exquisitely sensitive to each other and we need daily reassurance of where we stand with our partner. Anything from the look on our partner’s face when we walk in the door to the tone of their voice when they answer our question can trigger some level of insecurity. A key skill I talk to couples about is being compassionate with themselves when they feel some sense of insecurity like this – often people feel silly or even pathetic for having these feelings and so they minimize or dismiss them. We then talk about how to reach out to your partner for reassurance in a way that makes the partner feel important and pulls them toward us for that reassurance we need to feel OK again!

Music is so amazing at bringing up emotions. As I listen to this song, I feel a sense of comfort, relief, and acceptance in the melodies, and in the lyrics I hear an excellent model for reaching and responding!

“How deep is your love?….We belong to you and me.”

I hope this song inspires you to reach and respond with gentleness to your beloved!  Thanks for reading!

To listen to the song, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpqqjU7u5Yc

I also created the Attachment playlist on Spotify! Here’s the link to the in-process playlist! https://play.spotify.com/user/22bo4igxue27lbl3qjsrrhqxi/playlist/5annt8MmbhckEwuVk74XEp?play=true&utm_source=open.spotify.com&utm_medium=open


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